Exfoliation Epic

The dragon is slain. Glycerin has forever collapsed, lumpy and large-pored, never again to lay waste to my face with flame. The king of the dwarves triumphantly reclaims his mountain of shaving cream. Huzzah!

I recreated the shave prep from "Hold The Phone" -- Noxzema, Oil, Arko -- and I could have stopped after pass 1 today. I usually don't think of "blade silence" until final pass, but it made an early appearance with my more aggressive sliding pattern. I recognized immediately that that's how it should have been all along. First pass was DONE, not like getting the dishes wet and soapy, and rubbing them with a cloth, but like the dishes were CLEAN, you know what I'm saying? With my flat-lying, curly hair, I didn't think I'd ever see that kind of efficiency. I still did my ATG passes for a closer shave; it's not that I couldn't get more hair that way. Just that WTG was optimized, and it looked pretty good, too.

Yet evil lurks in the middle class, more incorporeal than incorporate. Toning and moisturizing collude against folk as two powers. If one shaves, the stratum corneum demands an adjustment to match the swelling of substrata immediately, before it dries. If you're a manly man, you just shave the whole mess off with an open blade, a skin planing cartridge, or a recent style of cutting head. If you're black or like me, you tone twice: once after the shave, and once at night, to keep from wrinkling like an old paper bag, and shave with something less exposed, draggy or gappy.

The first way also appeals to the young, who frankly are going to split the hell out of their SC anyway, due to not knowing how to shave. Also women, who will go to great lengths with sugar, baking soda, peach pits, microbeads, and even razors to replicate the effects of our shaving, which they call exfoliation.

I spoke to a couple, mother and daughter, browsing the soaps at TJMaxx, after overhearing that they were looking for an exfoliator. I myself selected a very fancy, lovely smelling soap for my evening face wash, and asked them what was "exfoliating" about it. They said there was probably something abrasive in it. Indeed, others from the line (Asquith and Somerset) had visible flecks, but this one didn't. We were all a little puzzled by this, but I took it as a good sign, that I'm not the only one in the world who perceives a subtle biochemistry in the phenomenon.

It's a smooth soap, alright, but it shrinks my face down in a gentle way, just as I had hoped. No need to waste Williams at night, and pumpkin juice can be optional. An online product description says it's "jojoba" that makes it exfoliating.

What, the oil? Isn't that supposed to be the one most resembling sebum? Even the manufacturer seems confused: I got my bar in a plastic case, resembling their other exfoliating soaps, but they don't sell this one in that set online.

Is this the part where the wizard defies the shadow, and tries to seize power for himself? Could an oil-cleansing, non-macerating soap with toning ingredients be magically formulated to adjust the SC to NEARLY equal area, and synergize with body chemistry in the couple of hours after the shave to GENTLY declamate cells?

Doesn't look like the story ended well for this soap, if I can pick it up for $4.

No comments:

Post a Comment