Boo-Boo Juice
One-half teaspoon of baking soda, dissolved in a cup of water, helps wounds heal. Like a local shot of "alkalization," it temporarily strengthens tissue that normally has to accommodate an acid-loving microflora. In the wound context, the acid could become ester, and signal scarring and post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation. Boo-boo juice can also be consumed, for similar reasons, as an old-timey cold and flu treatment or preventative. If you want to get fancy, try potassium bicarbonate. Bicarbonate solution is also excellent paired with cleansers, like shampoo or coconut oil, as it opens hair cuticle like a pinecone, and helps break up biofilm. It's like extra-soft water.Noxzema Pre/Post
If you mistakenly try to flay yourself hairless, Noxzema mixed in your palm with bentonite clay can at least keep the dermis out of harm's way, preventing bloodshed. Think of it as a variation on shaving oil. An oil cleanse would be the proper use; but it certainly can be applied as a protective layer under the lather, or as the sole shaving substrate, and (lightly) as a soothing balm for razor burn.Coconut Oil
It's everywhere nowadays, and for good reason: there's apparently very little that coconut oil cannot do, matched against a wide variety of petrochemical and other oils. You can melt the "refined" version and soak an old razor to clean it up -- or make a new one less squeaky. For cosmetic purposes, the "extra virgin cold pressed" variety is the new oil cleanse, said to be anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, and even anti-viral.Cured Witch Hazel
Putting a splash or two of plain old Witch Hazel, U.S.P. into a cup or bowl overnight will allow alcohol to evaporate, for preshave use. Or a million other things. Theron T. Pond and his Native American partner originally wanted to sell a 3% alcohol solution, but it didn't keep well. To use: apply 3-5 drops shaving oil, rub in cured witch hazel, and wipe off both with a damp cloth. Tones and protects from insults, such as the hyperosmotic effect of glycerin soap.Pumpkin Juice
Set a small "pie" pumpkin outside to freeze, then wash it and set it indoors, in a clean bucket. When it decomposes and starts to look deflated, open it like a jack-o-lantern to harvest the seeds, juice, and intact flesh (but not the mush). Roast the seeds; nuke the flesh in the microwave and eat it like spinach. The juice, best frozen into silicone squeeze pop molds, is a chemically exfoliating, anti-aging skin toner. Apply at night before a morning shave, thereby avoiding sunlight.Washcloth
Take it off. Take it all off. Don't for one second believe that any externally applied substance is fundamentally good for you, or nourishing. Let the surface of the skin, the spongy stratum corneum, absorb as much as it can of what you personally think is necessary, at the very moment of application. When the moment has passed, if it's something that's oily or soapy, wipe the bulk of it off with a wrung, damp cloth. If it's something aqueous (also including soap) soak it off with a lightly squeezed, wet cloth, then wring the cloth and blot yourself clean.$2.50 Triple-Stack Scuttle
Bowls of approx. 4" diameter are easily held in the palm, without a foot or a handle. A Dollar Tree plastic salsa bowl, favorite of beginners, is less than ideal at 4.5", with awkward-to-hold legs at the base. But it does perfectly envelop a Big Lots "Great Gatherings" dessert bowl, leaving room for hot water in between. Classic color combos make the pair look purpose-built for each other: white on red, black on black.Add a Dollar Tree latte mug for a reservoir of suitably hot water with which to shave. It takes 2 minutes to nuke in my microwave, while my boar soaks in the salsa bowl, and I visit the freezer for a smear of flaxseed extract. Boiling the water is not generally recommended, as that would heat perm a synthetic brush, and make an unnecessary hazard of soaking a facecloth. If it were allowed to cool somewhat, it could still help by softening the water.
Fragrance Soap/Balm/Deodorant
Smear the bottom of a lathering bowl with oil, and spray with (cheap) eau de toilette. Lather Williams on top of this. (If the perfume is of a type that totally kills lather, try adding a drop of glycerin.) Be sure to save some for your pits after shaving; the illusion we're creating is that this is your natural scent. Alcohol applied directly would stimulate sweat and prime the pits for bacterial blooming.Remove soap residue and lay the foundation of a new, deodorant film with alum. Melt a pinch of coconut oil or cocoa butter in your palms, apply to face, then armpits. Let it be a cream rinse for your shave, wiped off with a damp cloth, and a deep clean for the pits as well. Then go back with the alum -- but be careful not to lose your grip, when it sticks.
Don't forget to apply the perfume as intended, also!
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