Black Holes in My Face

Free HBO brought "The Theory Of Everything" to us, which was very timely. I'd like to dedicate this post to Stephen Hawking's smoking hot nurse and second wife, Elaine Mason. Oh my God, why did they not extend that Penthouse Forum scene with bowl lathering and a Gillette Tech? Perhaps the scene wasn't intended to be viewed in such a positive light, being based on his first wife's book.

I read a book about black holes in sixth grade, when Hawking's ideas were being popularized... I wonder if he wrote it? I really like the guy, anyway: who declines knighthood? Time near a black hole appears to slow down, in the frame of reference of an external observer. For my third shave perfection trial, I tried to extend hydration time for my hair, which is not quite infinitely dense, but does represent a physically extreme natural phenomenon.

After taking an emergency dose of Vitamin D liquid to stop a Thanksgiving hangover leg cramp, I put four drops on my beard, instead of the new castor oil mix. Subsequent uses of the mix weren't as dramatic as the first, raising a suspicion that the vitamin isomerizes when not refrigerated. It's still great oil, but since I had the cold stuff out anyway... I figured it would have at least 20 minutes to exert its biological effect, given my predilection for long showers.

Before entering the shower, though, I mixed up an indestructible bowl of KMF-VDH lather. As soon as I stepped out, I lathered up, then went about grooming, for a total hydration period of approximately 25 minutes. Then I rubbed it in with my fingertips. It looked thin on my face, but the emulsion seemed rich. After applying the wet towel, I decided to double down, and wasted a second lather on prep. Now I could feel the glycerin reaching my nerve endings.


Two passes in my usual fashion (long strokes WTG at low angle with blade loosened, short strokes ATG at steep angle with the blade tight) was already as good a shave as yesterday's. I only went further to see if I could shave to blade silence. And I could! The blade was catching hair like crazy, allowing me to choose a greater range of angles ATG and really polish under the jaw.

Four passes was still a bit too much for my face. I thought I had forgotten to rinse the alum when I applied some moisturizer, and it irritated me. I expect I'll have to revisit that with a special carbamide treatment. 

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