Don't Ever Trust The Razor

"Operation: Mindcrime" stands up so well, after all these years; only my headphones weren't good enough to blast it clearly, in the middle of the night. "The Needle Lies" stuck out as the best shaving metaphor, though "Eyes of a Stranger" is hilarious with a few, equally obvious, word substitutions.

How many times must I live this tragedy?

I had relied on the false security of a comfortable setting when I got burned. Today I cranked the Slim to "default" setting 9, and followed my advice for beginners: just change direction enough to re-engage the beard, on second pass.

I also went extra-gentle with prep, if not extremely simple. If I've learned anything from glycerin shaving soap, it is that putting concentrated soap on your face is dumb. You really want the water mixed in, at least, because osmotic or Marangoni effects will drive it inward, or the fluid in your face outward. It may not rise to the level of pain, in the case of a classic soap like Palmolive (which is why only low-glycerin soaps come in sticks, I reckon) but I only want the best for my epidermis. So I rubbed the stick against my wet palm, stroked it with the wet brush, and repeated until I had enough soap, only enough for two passes.

Problem with this approach was, my hair was not softened at all, despite a good, long smear-and-soak treatment. Leverage was required to keep the edge out of my skin. The result was a tight-skinned SAS, which reminded me of the overall skin condition after the shavettes. That's when it hit me: the reactionaries and revolutionaires of shaving could be united, under DE!

Spreading The Cure

Instead of selecting a "mild" DE or adjustable setting that reliably zips the hair off my face, with little regard for the stratum corneum (foreshadow of cartridges); instead of giving up entirely on a traction-balanced, effortlessly close shave and using a dangerous, open blade razor (tradition of barbers); I will avoid the deceit of marketing factions entirely, and extract the truth.

Cutting power can only be safely wielded through a range of operability, defined by two shaving characteristics that I will henceforth be examining separately. Hair removing efficiency will be limited by the skin planing hazard, on one end. Leverage will be limited by exfoliation and risk of nicks, at the low end. The best razor should be the one that offers the greatest spread, without exceeding the limits.